New Website Launches as Siri??s Scribe
Source: Mark Riffee
LifeWithSiri.com, a new website devoted to recording the iPhone personal assistant’s philosophy of life and cleverest witticisms, is up and running. Each day, we can study a new screenshot of Siri’s sagely advice and get tips about how to improve our relationship with her either on the website or, if we prefer a more intimate interface, via e-mail updates.
Ever since Apple released the iPhone 4S in October, Siri users have been Tweeting, Facebooking, and starting dinner party conversations with the rib-tickling responses given by the virtual personal assistant. But Life With Siri wants to remind us that the snarky guru isn’t all about cracking wise ― she’s also good at her job. If you’re interested in taking Siri seriously, the website will post a “tip” along with the “quip” every day.
Not only will we be taught the meaning of life according to Siri ― if she doesn’t chide you with something like, “I find it odd that you would ask this of an inanimate object,” a Life With Siri press release points out, she’ll tell you that “All evidence suggests it’s chocolate,” or suggest you “Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations” ― we’ll also learn that she can be used as an online dictionary if we preface our questions with “What is…” or “Definition of…”
She’s part savant, part textbook, and part disgruntled jerk ― she’s the disparaging mentor and friend I’ve been searching for all my life.
Siri has feelings too. A nifty e-mail update will let us know that if she seems distant, she’s fine, “Just taking a little me time.” But if she says, “You resemble a Yeti” when you ask for a helpful insight to start the day, just know that she’s probably just feeling insecure about another phone on the market. Ask her what she thinks of Android’s new Galaxy Nexus and she’ll tell you, “She’s skinny with a big butt.” So don’t let it bother you if she insults your eating habits when you ask for a dining suggestion ― “Anything but Taco Bell. You’re killing me with that” ― she’s just venting. Even virtual philosophers need us to tickle their egos every now and then: “Siri, how is the weather outside?” Siri: “Excuse me, it’s Boss’ Day! Don’t you have something to say to me?”
Siri disciples like LifeWithSiri.com and @TheShitSiriSays, who Tweeted all of the one-liners in the paragraphs above, will have to be careful if we want Siri to stay humble. Every time someone posts a screenshot of her response to a remark like, “I need to hide a body” (Siri: “What kind of place are you looking for? Reservoirs… Dumps… Swamps… Metal Foundries… Mines… ?”), it’s like sticking a child’s homework on the fridge. Kids learn early on that B+ efforts don’t make it to the fridge, and so should Siri.
It’s always OK to laud a good burn: “Can you please spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?” Siri: “Yes, as soon as you move out of your mom’s basement.” And of course cuteness deserves praise: “Should I see the new Footloose movie, the one without Kevin Bacon?” Siri: “Everyone loves bacon.” But if you ask her whether she’s a Republican or Democrat and she says, “Neither. I listen to you,” she shouldn’t make the fridge.
If you’re a Siri-less Android devotee like me, the tips section might not be useful. But at least we won’t miss out on Siri’s best Answers to Naughty Questions ever again.
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